I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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