Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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