I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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