the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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