I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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