Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize