It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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