gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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