He asked to "fluff my boner.."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize