Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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