it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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