There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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