My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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