hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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