Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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