The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize