Plan B is the new Plan A
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize