Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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