dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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