the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ttyl tear gas
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
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Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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