Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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