piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize