Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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