; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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