Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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