btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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