Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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