I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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