My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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