Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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