This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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