i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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