I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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