I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
