The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
As shirtless as possible
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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