I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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