I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize