once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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