Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
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She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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