Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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