he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize