We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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