4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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