We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just pynch a tree in the face
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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