So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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