My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
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Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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