no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize