You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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