And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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