I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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