yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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